Well what those parents, teachers and girl scout leaders didn't realize was doodling in the margins was the only way I could pay attention. I have to be doing 2 things at once, to 'calm the mental noise' as I've heard it called.
But no one was there to defend me in that, I just thought I was wrong. I hid my drawings, tried to quit altogether, if I wrote any story or poem I'd destroy it and dreaded parents' birthdays when they'd say "oh, just make me something, you're creative" when every other day of the year I was taught to kill the creativity.
I thought I was wrong in that I couldn't do detail work, so much so I tried to get into accounting in my early professional life. It was my husband who actually explained to me that I'm not wrong or bad (as he tried to console me after a long day at a job that shouldn't have been that stressful) I just wasn't good at that kind of thing.
And that I am good at other things.
Whaa-? I had never heard that before. I'd never even considered a person was allowed to be not good at those things. They were the signs of adulthood and I'd better learn them or fail as a person.
People would say I was a good drawer, but that was exactly the same thing as hearing I was a good mud-pie maker, absolutely no use in the world. I couldn't believe it. My next job wasn't a great job, but it was face paced, people-centered and I love that I was GOOD at it.
So eventually I learned that there really are different character strengths, where one is lacking another shines. That's the whole motivation for me behind New Cardea art and blog, where my drawings and ideas are not hidden, destroyed or lied about. Where I learned about being productive and efficient in my own strengths and where I can share and honor that with others, helping you learn to love yourself for your strengths as well, not for how well you hide them.
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